The next day i called again,
but couldn’t get through,
my colleagues doubted i was sane,
when a celestial messenger
called out of the blue,
he spoke to all the staff at once
in an echoing heavenly cadence.

Working at a call centre
not everyones cup of tea
some do not like the pressure
yet the job appealed to me

I started here 2001
For BT and Vodafone
eight years now I’ve been here
I have no cause to moan

You help all types of people
A varied stock of folk
From upper class gentles
To your ordinary bloke

Here to help them are we
North, East, or West or South
To answer all their queries
Not give as load of mouth

Okay you get the odd one
You’d like to cut off quite slickly
But if you work hard at your job
you’ll sort them out quite quickly

You have a team behind you
Without a shadow of a doubt
They are ready to assist you
You only have to shout
There are many there to aid you
All there to stop your fall
If you get into trouble
They’ll take over on your call

HR, also recruitment,
play a vital part
they set you upwhen you begin
ensuring a good start

The most popular department
We love it body and soul
We bless it every month
We love the girls of our Payroll

I’ve seen some weird stuff
a guy preparing lunch,
from his bag, he took a loaf
Butter, fill it start to munch

I saw him take his headset off
Don’t read ahead you’ll spoil it.
‘Still there?’ he said when he got back
‘I’ve just been to the toilet’

A bored clerk answered ‘Pizza hut`
Then he’d cut the call’
He did not last much time
They marched him down the hall

Another used to fall asleep
Half way through a call
He’d pile some Zeees up snort awake
and then back to sleep he’d fall

He confused a lot customers
Who thought he’d half a brain
Also the current TL
Who to the customer would explain

He claimed Narcolepsy
And to the doctors he would hurry
NO! he had a job till 3.00 am
Delivering rice and curry.

You have your laughs when working here
We help each other through it
And nowhere else I’ve worked before
Is comp’rable to Conduit

Working at a call centre
not everyones cup of tea
some do not like the pressure
yet the job appealed to me

I started here 2001
For BT and Vodafone
Six years now I’ve been here
I have no cause to moan

You help all types of people
A varied stock of folk
From upper class gentles
To your ordinary bloke

Here to help them are we
North, East, or West or South
To answer all their queries
Not give as load of mouth

Okay you get the odd one
You’d like to cut off quite slickly
But if you work hard at your job
you’ll sort them out quite

You have a team behind you
Without a shadow of a doubt
They are ready to assist you
You only have to shout

TL’s, AOM,’s
All there to stop your fall
If you get into trouble
They’ll take over on your call

HR, also recruitment,
also play their part
HR for when you get here
Recruitment before you start

The most popular department
We love it body and soul
We bless it every month
We love the girls of our Payroll

I’ve seen some weird stuff
a guy preparing lunch,
from his bag, he took a loaf
Butter, fill it start to munch

I saw him take his headset off
Don’t read ahead you’ll spoil it.
‘Still there?’ he said when he got back
‘I’ve just been to the toilet’

A bored clerk answered ‘Pizza hut`
Then he’d cut the call’
He did not last much time
They marched him down the hall

Another used to fall asleep
Half way through a call
He’d pile some Zeees up snort awake
and then back to sleep he’d fall

He confused a lot customers
Who thought he’d half a brain
Also the current TL
Who to the customer would explain

He claimed Narcolepsy
And to the doctors he would hurry
NO! he had a job till 3.00 am
Delivering rice and curry.

You have your laughs when working here
We help each other through it
And nowhere else I’ve worked before
Is comp’rable to Conduit

I saw Justin wiring a pod on Thursday

He had the top off, it was a danger to see

Papers all over the sockets sadly

A danger to all it seems clear to me.

SO

If you don’t want to set your pod on fire

Remember my friend, these thing not to do

Don’ t drop your waste right onto the wires

that power your pod is a danger to you.

Take all your rubbish and throw it away

Timely advice, so please heed it I pray

Don’t leave it fall through the pod slats

Or there heating up it is going to stay

You don’t need to set your pod on fire

It’s warm enough to fry us all see

If you ignite there’ll be a funeral pyre

CSR’s all roast at 2000 degrees!

By Neil Davies – poet launderette

There was a call agent from Cardiff Gate
he’d cut his call
morale would fall
If next to this man you’d locate

 There was a call agent from Vodafone
who spoke in a very low monotone
 your much to quiet
you’ll have to try it
Thriough a great big megaphone

There was a call agent from Sky
no matter how hard he could try
to take many calls
in the Ivory halls
Of the Number in Cardif they say

There was a call agent Nann Tucket              
with a grin you can chuck it
away with a grin
if you think I’d put in
a poem that ended with *!%!! it

There was a call agent from Splott
Near Cardiff one day felt quite hot
He stripped to the bone
While answering phone
Calls, and sweating a beautifull sight. NOT!!

The was a call agent from Abertawe
who looked a lot like David Bowie
Buit only when
again and again
he’d been dragged twice through the Towy

There was a call agent from Dublin
who always was in trouble in
fact we thought
that he got caught
selling headsets and prices was doubling

There was a call agent from Wales
Who was super at call centre tales
he’d tell us tall stories
of arrogant bores he’s
had calls from sold SKY to ,and made Sales

There was a call agent from hell
at first we just could not tell
but the havfoc he’ll wreak”ll
with brimstone and treacle
give him away plus also the smell.

There was a call agent who died
on a call one day we espied
they kept him on line
they said he was fine
to deal with complaints calls they despised

There was a call agent from Spain
he answered the phone now n’again
he said down the line
don’t ask me cos I’m
just sitting here going insain

The was a call agent from Abertawe
who looked a lot like David Bowi e  
he had a part-time job
from the river he’d lob
poached salmon from the river Towy

There was a call agent Setanta
who at her staf would rant her way
at her staff
for havin a laff
and engaging in dry witty banter

There was a call agent from Vodafone
who spoke in a very low monotone
your much to quiet
you’ll have to try it
Through a great big megaphone

There was a calll agent from Swansea town
who never let his colleages down
On time for work
he’d never shirk
On slackers in situ he’d frown

There was a call agent from Swansea
Who truthfully between you and me
Talked such utter rot
He got sacked on the spot
For swearing at Customers grandiously

There was a call agent from Cardiff Gate
who appoached his job with bile and hate
he’d cut his call
morale would fall
If next to this man you’d locate

There was a call agent from Irleand
whos’s career he had already planned
he stareted way down
but he liked it and found
twas here he would settle and stand

There was a call agent from heaven
who joined us an angel, at seven
o’clock it occurred
they passed down the word
she was really a slapper from Devon

There was as call agent from China
who when twisting could see right behind her
a curious trick
could make you feel sick
coming or going you never could find her

There was a call agent from Cardiff
Who asked me would it be bad if
I started to cry
when the customers try
to say that I sound like a mastiff

There was acall agent from Hodge
Whose calls he always would dodge
He’d say Pizza Hut
your order please Butt
As complaints the clients would lodge

There was a call agent from Hodge House
Who had all the charm of a dead louse
He’ sit at the pod
And talk really odd
We think he is really a scouse.

There was a call agent from Cardiff Gate
Who came to an untimely fate
Whilst on a call
He risked it all
By asking all females for a date

There was a call agent from Cardiff Gate
Who put on quite a lot of weight
Whilst on the phones
He gained ten stones
And is now in a blubbery state