Call Centre Jokes

We could all do with a little bit of a laugh from time to time. We have added in a number of funny stories that we have been sent over the past few months.

If you have come across any good call centre jokes please drop us a line and we’ll see if we can publish them.

Here is a selection of jokes and funny stories that we have been sent in over the last few months.

Modern management speak (Thanks to Tim W)

Net Lag: That glazed look when you have been online for too long.
Prairie dogging: When something happens in a call centre with cubicles, where people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.
Open-Collar Workers: People who work at home or telecommute.
Adminisphere: The rarefied organisation layers beginning just above the rank of call centre manager. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
Stress puppy: A person who thrives on being stressed-out and whiny.
Keyboard Plaque: The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on a computer keyboard.
Idea hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators running .
Mouse potato: The on-line generation’s answer to the couch potato.
Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.
Under Mouse Arrest: Getting busted for violating the company’s web browsing rule of conduct.
It’s a Feature: From the adage “It’s not a bug, it’s a feature.” Used sarcastically to describe an unpleasant experience that you wish to gloss over.
Alpha Geek: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. “Ask Tim, he’s the alpha geek around here.”
Mission critical: We are stuffed if this fails!
Salmon Day: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed in the end.
Chainsaw consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands
404: Someone who is clueless, from the World Wide Web error message “404 Not Found”, meaning the requested document couldn’t be located.

Performance Appraisal Terms and Their Real Meanings (Thanks to JennyP)

Appraisal Term	Meaning
Average Employee	Not that bright
Exceptionally Well Qualified	Made no major blunders yet
Active Socially	Drinks a lot
Character Above Reproach	Still one step ahead of the law
Quick Thinking	Offers plausible excuses
Careful Thinker	Won’t make a decision
Plans for advancement	Buys drinks for all the boys/girls
Uses Logic on Difficult jobs	Gets someone else to do it
Expresses Themselves Well	Speaks English
Meticulous Attention to Detail	A nit picker
Has Leadership Qualities	Has a loud voice
Exceptionally Good Judgment	Lucky
Keen Sense of Humour	Knows a lot of dirty jokes
Career Minded	Back Stabber
Of Great Value to the Organisation	Gets to work on time
Relaxed Attitude	Sleeps at desk
Independent Worker	Nobody knows what he/she does
Loyal	Can’t get a job anywhere else