Even more call centre jokes
Just when we thought that working in call centres was getting easier, here are some examples of the kind of calls we’re receiving…
Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”
Customer “Ok.”
Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech Support: “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”
Customer “No.”
Tech Support:: “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this
point?”
Customer: “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.”
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Customer: “I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting
the same error message.”
Tech Support:: “Did you install the update?”
Customer: “No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?”
=====(related (keywords: jokes)
Customer:: “I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.”
Tech Support:: “Tell me what you’ve done.”
Customer: “I typed ‘A:SETUP’.”
Tech Support:: “Ma’am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.”
Customer:: “It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk’.”
Tech Support:: “Insert the MS Word setup disk.”
Customer:: “What?”
Tech Support: “Did you buy MS word?”
Customer: “No…”
=====
Customer:: “Do I need a computer to use your software?”
Tech Support:: ?!%#$
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Tech Support:: “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see
the ‘OK’ button displayed?”
Customer: “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?”
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Tech Support:: “What type of computer do you have?”
Customer:: “A white one.”
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Tech Support:: “Type ‘A:’ at the prompt.”
Customer:: “How do you spell that?”
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Tech Support: “What’s on your screen right now?”
Customer: “A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store.”
=====
Tech Support:: “What operating system are you running?”
Customer: “Pentium.”
=====
Customer: “My computer’s telling me I performed an illegal abortion.”
=====
Customer: “I have Microsoft Exploder.”
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Customer: “How do I print my voicemail?”
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Customer: “You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document,
but the computer won’t boot properly.”
Tech Support: “What does it say?”
Customer: “Something about an error and non-system disk.”
Tech Support: “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”
Customer: “No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside.”
======
Tech Support: “Just call us back if there’s a problem. We’re open 24 hours.”
Customer: “Is that Eastern time?”
=====
Tech Support:: “What does the screen say now?”
Customer: “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready’.”
Tech Support:: “Well?”
Customer: “How do I know when it’s ready?”
The following comments have been added:
I had a customer complaint the other day for a major supermarket. When a product is unavailable we we send the next best thing. The woman who rang in to complain had ordered a batch of strawberry jelly, and we did not have that in stock. When the products arrived at her door she discovered that the item they had replaced the jelly with was KY Jelly!!! (posted by Roy)
Tech: Is the DSL light on your modem blinking ?
Cust.: Yes, it’s blinking black
Tech: ???
Comment by Sephiroth — 12 Apr 2008 @ 6:52 pm
cust: am not recevin ma mails.
Tech: Can I have your email address please?
cust:I’ve got a billin address n a shippin address.Is that good to do?
Tech:You need to have an email address to send/receive email.
Cust:Are’nt you guys responsible for the Royal Mail?
Cust:My broadband is not working.
Tech: Wot exactly is happenin when yew try accessin the internet.
Cust:#$%@..I have nothin to do with the internet. I SAID MY BROADBAND IS NOT WORKING..
Comment by Rahul — 26 May 2008 @ 5:14 am
agent: may i put you on hold sir while i check on your records. . (put cust on hold, cust name is mr. walker)
agent: thank you for patiently walking mr. waiter. .
cust: ?#?
Comment by sox — 29 May 2008 @ 8:16 pm
had a call from a female customer asking how much were the free international calls to spain .
i told her they where free she said that was a good deal
Comment by BigboyDave — 9 Jun 2008 @ 10:12 pm
agent: i’m calling to offer you payment over the phone to bring your account to good standing, this is absolutely free of charge, shall we process the payment?
customer: sure!
agent: ok ma’am, do you have a chicken account!
Comment by dek — 27 Jun 2008 @ 2:06 am
Agent: Ok, to insure you’re car, we need to know the year built, the make & the model.
Customer: Its a Toyota.
Agent: …… and what sort of Toyota is it exactly??
Customer: A white one.
Agent: ……?5&#@!!!!
Comment by Missy — 18 Jul 2008 @ 1:23 am
I work for a Premier League Football Club, and a few seasons ago, we had a number of pre season friendlies abroad. In addition to being able to arrange tickets, we also organise Travel for fans.
We advertised that we had 2 packages which included not only match tickets but flights as well. We thought that the descriptions of the packages were self explanatory;
Package 1 - Includes flight - standing ticket
Package 2 - Includes flight - seated ticket
Yes, you’ve guessed it, we were inundated with calls asking whether it was safe to stand on a flight and could they book to stand next to the window!!
Comment by Penny D — 18 Jul 2008 @ 1:59 pm
I work for tech support for a networking devices manufacturing. One day had a call from a guy who was trying to install a wireless usb adaptor on his PC.
The adaptor was installed correctly, and no networks were shown in range, so the customer became a little irate.
Tech support: make sure your router is on and has the wireless light on.
Customer: I have no router.
Tech support: OK. Are you on a Wi-Fi or hotspot area?
Customer: I don’t know what is that.
Tech support: Do you know the name of the wireless network you’re trying to connect to?
Customer: listen, I’ve been told that with this device I could get wireless internet, now how do I do that?
No further comments.
Comment by leo — 23 Jul 2008 @ 5:15 pm
Tech: Can you please right-click on the laptop?
Customer:(mumbles)….
Tech: Did you right-click on the desktop Mr. Howell?
Customer: !@#~*, How am I supposed to right-click when I don’t have a desktop, I have a laptop….
Tech: (What the….?)
Comment by Anonymous — 5 Aug 2008 @ 8:18 pm
I work for a media company and we do take payments over the phone.
AN indian customer called to make a payment.
As usual i did the security checks and asked the customer
Me : THank you for the details MR Singh can u tell me how much is the amount you wanna pay.
MR SINGH : 24.06£ Please !!!!
Me : All RIght Can i Take the credit card number.
Mr Singh : Here it goes…… Its 4417…XXXX….B73B…21BB
Me : I’m sorry Mate are you able to read the letters one more time
Mr Singh : OK young man i think you are tired today……..taking calls i do understand how you feel working in a call Centre.
Mr Singh : Ready …Its …4417…XXXX….B73B…21BB
Me : are u sure about the alphabets on the card
Mr Singh (angry) : Ya I DO!
Me : I’m sorry its not a valid card number…. do you wanna call your bank and check the card number.
Mr Singh : (irate)Dont Teach me what i have to do ……its you who is not listening to what numbers i’m giving you… CAN I SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER i need to complain about you.
(Its the worlds most irritating comment any one can hear in a call Centre)
It was time for me to use my logic… i thought for a while of what to do and if there was any way out of asking him the number again….. SUDDENLY I GOT WHAT THE ISSUE IS BUT I WAS AFRAID HOW CAN I PUT IT ACCROSS AS mr singh WAS EXTREMELY i-RATE
Me : ALL RIGHT.. before i transfer you to my manager can you tell me if its a “new card”
Mr Singh : Yes ….what do you have to do with that.
Me : Are you using it for the FIRST TIME
Mr SIngh : YA!
Me : credit cards are never alpha numberic …. may be the alphabet “B” what you are giving me might be NO 6
(Mr singh suddely realised and started laughing)
Mr Singh : You see…. its a new card …i have came to london 3 months earlier. sory to have a go at you ….do you want to take a payment and the can you connect me to your supervisor ….. i want to appreciate you.
Comment by Nitin J — 7 Sep 2008 @ 1:58 pm
Agent:Thank you for calling router technical support. My name is Rose. Can I have your phone number please starting with the area code?
Customer:Yes! My phone number is 42VAN-787-3879
Agent:Im sorry, its 24… and whats the third digits?
Customer:VAN!
Agent:Im so sorry, can you please repeat the third digit?
Customer:Its VAN miss…
Agent:I really apologize… I do not understand the third digit sir…
Customer:Its VAN miss! Its VAN! Like VAN! 2! 3!…
Agent:#!&*
Comment by Rose — 12 Sep 2008 @ 11:42 pm
Agent:Thank you for calling router technical support. My name is Ivy. Can I have your phone number please starting with the area code?
Customer:Where are you located? We are in the Philippines sir! Transfer me to someone who can speak english better than you!
Agent:I am the only technical support here!
Customer:Are you kidding me?
Comment by Anonymous — 12 Sep 2008 @ 11:47 pm
Agent:Technical support. How can I help you.
Customer:My computer is overheating.
Agent:Has the system shut down randomly?
Customer:I think so, someone plugged it in the 220 outlet, it overheated, smoke and flames.
Agent:Sir, your warranty expired on **-**-****.
Customer: I know that. Even if it was, would it cover complete dumbssns.
Agent: I’m afraid it wouldn’t sir.
Customer: Why not? Is a good Idea, A dumbssnss warranty, There are dumbsss all over the world. It will be a top seller.
Agent:I don’t think it will with that name, which name would you use for the warranty?
Customer ID-10-T…220 I’ll plug him on a 220 it will tickle…
Comment by LeSponge — 27 Sep 2008 @ 6:49 am