Even more call centre jokes
Just when we thought that working in call centres was getting easier, here are some examples of the kind of calls we’re receiving…
Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”
Customer “Ok.”
Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech Support: “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”
Customer “No.”
Tech Support:: “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this
point?”
Customer: “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.”
=====
Customer: “I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting
the same error message.”
Tech Support:: “Did you install the update?”
Customer: “No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?”
=====(related (keywords: jokes)
Customer:: “I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.”
Tech Support:: “Tell me what you’ve done.”
Customer: “I typed ‘A:SETUP’.”
Tech Support:: “Ma’am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.”
Customer:: “It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk’.”
Tech Support:: “Insert the MS Word setup disk.”
Customer:: “What?”
Tech Support: “Did you buy MS word?”
Customer: “No…”
=====
Customer:: “Do I need a computer to use your software?”
Tech Support:: ?!%#$
=====
Tech Support:: “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see
the ‘OK’ button displayed?”
Customer: “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?”
=====
Tech Support:: “What type of computer do you have?”
Customer:: “A white one.”
=====
Tech Support:: “Type ‘A:’ at the prompt.”
Customer:: “How do you spell that?”
=====
Tech Support: “What’s on your screen right now?”
Customer: “A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store.”
=====
Tech Support:: “What operating system are you running?”
Customer: “Pentium.”
=====
Customer: “My computer’s telling me I performed an illegal abortion.”
=====
Customer: “I have Microsoft Exploder.”
=====
Customer: “How do I print my voicemail?”
=====
Customer: “You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document,
but the computer won’t boot properly.”
Tech Support: “What does it say?”
Customer: “Something about an error and non-system disk.”
Tech Support: “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”
Customer: “No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside.”
======
Tech Support: “Just call us back if there’s a problem. We’re open 24 hours.”
Customer: “Is that Eastern time?”
=====
Tech Support:: “What does the screen say now?”
Customer: “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready’.”
Tech Support:: “Well?”
Customer: “How do I know when it’s ready?”
The following comments have been added:
I had a customer complaint the other day for a major supermarket. When a product is unavailable we we send the next best thing. The woman who rang in to complain had ordered a batch of strawberry jelly, and we did not have that in stock. When the products arrived at her door she discovered that the item they had replaced the jelly with was KY Jelly!!! (posted by Roy)
Tech: Is the DSL light on your modem blinking ?
Cust.: Yes, it’s blinking black
Tech: ???
Comment by Sephiroth — 12 Apr 2008 @ 6:52 pm
cust: am not recevin ma mails.
Tech: Can I have your email address please?
cust:I’ve got a billin address n a shippin address.Is that good to do?
Tech:You need to have an email address to send/receive email.
Cust:Are’nt you guys responsible for the Royal Mail?
Cust:My broadband is not working.
Tech: Wot exactly is happenin when yew try accessin the internet.
Cust:#$%@..I have nothin to do with the internet. I SAID MY BROADBAND IS NOT WORKING..
Comment by Rahul — 26 May 2008 @ 5:14 am
agent: may i put you on hold sir while i check on your records. . (put cust on hold, cust name is mr. walker)
agent: thank you for patiently walking mr. waiter. .
cust: ?#?
Comment by sox — 29 May 2008 @ 8:16 pm
had a call from a female customer asking how much were the free international calls to spain .
i told her they where free she said that was a good deal
Comment by BigboyDave — 9 Jun 2008 @ 10:12 pm
agent: i’m calling to offer you payment over the phone to bring your account to good standing, this is absolutely free of charge, shall we process the payment?
customer: sure!
agent: ok ma’am, do you have a chicken account!
Comment by dek — 27 Jun 2008 @ 2:06 am
Agent: Ok, to insure you’re car, we need to know the year built, the make & the model.
Customer: Its a Toyota.
Agent: …… and what sort of Toyota is it exactly??
Customer: A white one.
Agent: ……?5&#@!!!!
Comment by Missy — 18 Jul 2008 @ 1:23 am
I work for a Premier League Football Club, and a few seasons ago, we had a number of pre season friendlies abroad. In addition to being able to arrange tickets, we also organise Travel for fans.
We advertised that we had 2 packages which included not only match tickets but flights as well. We thought that the descriptions of the packages were self explanatory;
Package 1 - Includes flight - standing ticket
Package 2 - Includes flight - seated ticket
Yes, you’ve guessed it, we were inundated with calls asking whether it was safe to stand on a flight and could they book to stand next to the window!!
Comment by Penny D — 18 Jul 2008 @ 1:59 pm
I work for tech support for a networking devices manufacturing. One day had a call from a guy who was trying to install a wireless usb adaptor on his PC.
The adaptor was installed correctly, and no networks were shown in range, so the customer became a little irate.
Tech support: make sure your router is on and has the wireless light on.
Customer: I have no router.
Tech support: OK. Are you on a Wi-Fi or hotspot area?
Customer: I don’t know what is that.
Tech support: Do you know the name of the wireless network you’re trying to connect to?
Customer: listen, I’ve been told that with this device I could get wireless internet, now how do I do that?
No further comments.
Comment by leo — 23 Jul 2008 @ 5:15 pm
Tech: Can you please right-click on the laptop?
Customer:(mumbles)….
Tech: Did you right-click on the desktop Mr. Howell?
Customer: !@#~*, How am I supposed to right-click when I don’t have a desktop, I have a laptop….
Tech: (What the….?)
Comment by Anonymous — 5 Aug 2008 @ 8:18 pm
I work for a media company and we do take payments over the phone.
AN indian customer called to make a payment.
As usual i did the security checks and asked the customer
Me : THank you for the details MR Singh can u tell me how much is the amount you wanna pay.
MR SINGH : 24.06£ Please !!!!
Me : All RIght Can i Take the credit card number.
Mr Singh : Here it goes…… Its 4417…XXXX….B73B…21BB
Me : I’m sorry Mate are you able to read the letters one more time
Mr Singh : OK young man i think you are tired today……..taking calls i do understand how you feel working in a call Centre.
Mr Singh : Ready …Its …4417…XXXX….B73B…21BB
Me : are u sure about the alphabets on the card
Mr Singh (angry) : Ya I DO!
Me : I’m sorry its not a valid card number…. do you wanna call your bank and check the card number.
Mr Singh : (irate)Dont Teach me what i have to do ……its you who is not listening to what numbers i’m giving you… CAN I SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER i need to complain about you.
(Its the worlds most irritating comment any one can hear in a call Centre)
It was time for me to use my logic… i thought for a while of what to do and if there was any way out of asking him the number again….. SUDDENLY I GOT WHAT THE ISSUE IS BUT I WAS AFRAID HOW CAN I PUT IT ACCROSS AS mr singh WAS EXTREMELY i-RATE
Me : ALL RIGHT.. before i transfer you to my manager can you tell me if its a “new card”
Mr Singh : Yes ….what do you have to do with that.
Me : Are you using it for the FIRST TIME
Mr SIngh : YA!
Me : credit cards are never alpha numberic …. may be the alphabet “B” what you are giving me might be NO 6
(Mr singh suddely realised and started laughing)
Mr Singh : You see…. its a new card …i have came to london 3 months earlier. sory to have a go at you ….do you want to take a payment and the can you connect me to your supervisor ….. i want to appreciate you.
Comment by Nitin J — 7 Sep 2008 @ 1:58 pm
Agent:Thank you for calling router technical support. My name is Rose. Can I have your phone number please starting with the area code?
Customer:Yes! My phone number is 42VAN-787-3879
Agent:Im sorry, its 24… and whats the third digits?
Customer:VAN!
Agent:Im so sorry, can you please repeat the third digit?
Customer:Its VAN miss…
Agent:I really apologize… I do not understand the third digit sir…
Customer:Its VAN miss! Its VAN! Like VAN! 2! 3!…
Agent:#!&*
Comment by Rose — 12 Sep 2008 @ 11:42 pm
Agent:Thank you for calling router technical support. My name is Ivy. Can I have your phone number please starting with the area code?
Customer:Where are you located? We are in the Philippines sir! Transfer me to someone who can speak english better than you!
Agent:I am the only technical support here!
Customer:Are you kidding me?
Comment by Anonymous — 12 Sep 2008 @ 11:47 pm
Agent:Technical support. How can I help you.
Customer:My computer is overheating.
Agent:Has the system shut down randomly?
Customer:I think so, someone plugged it in the 220 outlet, it overheated, smoke and flames.
Agent:Sir, your warranty expired on **-**-****.
Customer: I know that. Even if it was, would it cover complete dumbssns.
Agent: I’m afraid it wouldn’t sir.
Customer: Why not? Is a good Idea, A dumbssnss warranty, There are dumbsss all over the world. It will be a top seller.
Agent:I don’t think it will with that name, which name would you use for the warranty?
Customer ID-10-T…220 I’ll plug him on a 220 it will tickle…
Comment by LeSponge — 27 Sep 2008 @ 6:49 am
Tech agent:now sir can you open windows for me
Customer: im afraid i cant
Tech agent(bemused by this stage)and why not sir?
Customer: i havent got windows built in
Tech agent:you have vista sir ,you must have windows
Customer: i dont have windows or any kind of vista im in a converted garage and i never built windows into it.
Silence. then
Customer:if i open the door will that help
Comment by mel — 2 Dec 2008 @ 8:32 pm
Tech support: web support how can i help you?
Customer: hi! i’m trying to book a flight on the website, but i don’t see the option!(customer very concerned) can you help me?
Tech support: Ok! let’s get started… are you on the website right now?
customer: yes! im on the website.
Tech support: do you see the logo?
customer: yes i see it, but, i don’t the option to book a flight!
Tech support: Ok sir what do you see on the page?
Customer: it says google.
Comment by Ferk — 18 Jan 2009 @ 2:42 am
i worked for an inflatable pool company and we had quite a few customers like this :
miss, how ‘m i supposed to git da water in da inflatable ring at da top o’ da pool?
sir/mam, you are to inflate the ring with air so that the pool may rise (it is a self rising pool)you can use any electric hand-held air pump.
oh shi*! na’ why aint no one told me dat?
sir/mam, that is all in your instruction manual. is there anything else i can hel you with?
yea! how ‘m i gonna git the water out that ring, shoud i put a hole in it and den blow it up with da air?
(muted microphone-lol)
Comment by dj — 24 Jan 2009 @ 5:40 pm
CS Rep: Thank you for calling, my name is xxxxx, how may i help you?
Customer: I sent your company a fax message. Did you get it? I sent it 2 minutes ago.
CS Rep: I’m sorry, I’m not near any fax machine. May I ask what number you faxed it to?
Customer: its the same number that I’m calling right now.
Cs Rep: I’m afraid your fax message won’t reach us, sir. the number you’re calling right now does not receive fax messages.
Customer: How can you say that? I sent the fax and i got the beepy tone and the receipt and everything.
CS Rep: you mean you had a fax message receipt confirmation?
Customer: yes, I’m looking at the small piece of paper that popped out of my fax machine after i sent it to you guys
CS Rep (out of curiosity): Sir, what does the receipt say?
Customer: it says “Fax Message Sending Failed”
CS Rep: *%#$%@#$%
Comment by malakuku — 27 Jan 2009 @ 5:10 am
Tech support:Thank you for calling, my name is xxxxx, how may i help you?
Cust: i failed my exams can u tell me how to get job in your company???
Tech support:Sorry sir, i may help u with any details regarding ur phone connection…
Cust:hey dude… leave that… what should i study to be in ur place?? how much they pay you???
Tech support:Sorry sir, i may help u with any details regarding ur phone connection…
Cust:arey my mom n dad are gonna screw me up… pls help me this time…
Tech support:Sorry sir, i may help u with any details regarding ur phone connection…
Cust:what have u studied??? tell me now… i want a job… pls arrange for it…
Tech support:Sorry sir, i may help u with any details regarding ur phone connection…
Cust:pls ok… i will call u in ten minutes… tell me what to study… or can i hav ur prsonal number???
Tech Support: Sorry sir but…
Cust:why dont u understand… i will ask personally…ok ?
Tech support: ??!!@#$#$…(Line fades)
Comment by shriya — 19 Feb 2009 @ 7:12 pm
I asked a old lady customer to tell and spell her mother’s maiden name while filling out a credit card application over phone.
She said M.O.T.H.E.R. 3 times!
Comment by Baski — 6 Mar 2009 @ 5:18 pm
I have a friend who is a remote call-center agent for a couple different call centers. One is an appliance technician, one is a suicide hotline, and the other is for a collection agency.
Line 1 (appliance tech)-
Agent: You’ve reached xxxxxxx Appliances, how may I help you today?
Customer: I’m having an issue with my new toaster.
Agent: Alright, sir! I’d be happy to assist you. What is the model number of the toaster you purchased?
Customer: xxxxxxxxxx
(Line 2 beeps)
Agent: Ok, sir! Give me one moment to look up your product. I need to put you on hold for just one moment.
(Picks up Line 2)
Agent: Suicide Hotline. What seems to be the problem?
Caller: I hate everyone and I have no friends and my family disowned me. Is there really a reason to live right any more?
Agent: Ma’am, where are you right now?
Caller: I’m in my bathtub.
(Line 3 beeps)
Agent: Ma’am. I’m here to listen, and I really do want to help you, but I need you to hang on the line for just one moment. Can you do that for me?
Caller: I guess….what’s a few more seconds.
Agent: Thank you, ma’am. I will be right back.
(Picks up Line 3)
Agent: xxxxxxxx Creditors. How may I assist you?
Caller: I received a collection notice in the mail that I would like to dispute.
Agent: Ok, sir. Can you please hold for just one moment?
Caller: I guess.
(Picks up Line 2 thinking it’s Line 1)
Agent: Ok, I’m back. Thank you for being patient with me. Is your toaster currently plugged in?
Comment by Anonymous — 3 Jun 2009 @ 8:14 pm
its very difficult to work in a call center please dont host jokes …and insult customers its only because of their ignorance and lack of knowledge u r getting paid k …
Comment by janet — 25 Jun 2009 @ 8:21 am
rep: thanks for calling bcbs may i have your contract number please?
mbr: i just gave you my SS#..
rep that was an automated system i need your contract #
mbr: you mean my group # its 999..
rep: no i asked for the contract #
Comment by paula — 2 Jul 2009 @ 12:25 am
I remember one time, taking a call, the customer requested to be transferred to someone in the US (I am located in Argentina). Sadly, we did not have a way to directly transfer a customer to the US… now, for me (and just about anyone else here, in the phillipines, india or elsewhere) its quite annoying that customers request to speak to someone from the US… I actually can speak english. So what I did was, I told him that I was located in America. when he asked me where exactly, I said I was in Argentina, South America :p hehe. The customer was angry at my response and he said that he wanted to be transferred to someone in North America… so I said (even though i could not do so) that I was going to transfer him to someone y french-speaking Canada :p even angrier he said that wanted to be transferred to someone in the United States! To which I replied that I was going to transfer him to the United States of Mexico (Mexico’s official name is Estados Unidos Mexicanos - Mexican United States)… all of the sudden cust hung up :p
Comment by stormman — 20 Aug 2009 @ 7:31 pm
Me : customer care how can i help you ?
cust : yes i want internet service on my phone
me : ok what type is your phone ?
cust : its nokia
me : ok which model ?
cust : its 2009
me : !!!! sir, its from 4 digits you’ll find it behind the battery like 6630 or 6600 or 7610 thats the model.
cust : yes yes yes my phone is new 2009 and its support the internet
me : !!!!!
Comment by Muhanned — 6 Sep 2009 @ 6:13 pm
me : customer care how can i help you
cust : yes i need you to transfer credit to my phone
me : sorry sir but we dont have this service yet
cust : no i need it tranfer it now
me : sir we are sorry we dont have this service yet
and again again again finaly
Me : ok sir i will transfer 1 dollar but you have to bring it back when you recharge
cust : yes yes yes i will do i swaer cross my heart
me : ok sir you have to be carefull you have one shot
cust : ok ok
me : okay do what i say exactly right now
cust : ok
Me : hit ##1# then hit the RED botton
cust : tot tot tet tot then suddinly tooooooooooooooooot
Me : totaly happy
Comment by Muhanned — 6 Sep 2009 @ 6:21 pm
(tech account)
Tech: OK, i’ll be providing you with the code, its. CWMP34…
Cust: Wait,w ait, wait, can you speak a li’l bit alowly?
Tech: Ok it’s C… W…
Cust: wait, can’t understand you..speak more slowly and clearyl
Tech: ok, C, as is Cat, W as in…
Cust: I Still can’t understand you… please speak clearly
Tech: (mumbles) OK mam, it’s C, as in Cat, C-A-T, as in meow meow!!!
Comment by deedee#10 — 29 Oct 2009 @ 3:17 am
Me: Ok man now I need you to right click on the printer icon,
Cust: What is right click?
Me: Ok if you look on your mouse
Cust: WHAT MOUSE??
(hear a raffling sound,
Cust: Ok sorry I jumoed on my desk, where do you see a mouse?
Comment by Marijke — 4 Dec 2009 @ 9:42 am
tech: Ok sir I need you to open my computer
cust, ok wait let me go fetch a screw driver
tech !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comment by Marijke — 4 Dec 2009 @ 9:43 am
cust: I have no power to my printer
tech: Ok mam, I need you look on the AC adaper, is there a constant green light on?
cust: yes
tech: ok mam wat is the model of you printer
cust: Its a Kodak XxXx
tech: Ok mam we are going to check if your printer is in sleep mode, I need you to hold in the on/off button for 10 seconds
cust: ok
Silence
tech: ok mam what is happenening
cust: nothing
tech: Did you hold in the on off button
cust: no
tech: is there a problem
cust: i can no find the on off button
tech: ok mam look on your control panel screen of you printer, there is a button that says on/off
cust: ok
silence
tech: ok mam anything going on?
cust: no
tech: ok mam, have you tried other plug point, power sources?
cust: yes I have, I have plugged the adapter into all the sockets in my house and the pritner has no power
(just had a feeling I should ask)
tech: mam, please check that the power cable and adapter are securly plugged into the back of the printer
cust: just hold on the adapter is upstairs.
tech: (confused, waiting)
cust: Ok now what
tech: mam have you tried plugging the adapter and power lead into the printer itself?
cust: No
tech: Why
cust: Its suppose to be a wireless printer
tech: !!!###**(**%
Comment by Marijke — 4 Dec 2009 @ 9:50 am
Customer: Where am i callin?
Agent: Pelepens ser.
+++ Customer hung up +++
Comment by Quincy — 12 Dec 2009 @ 4:09 pm
Conversation between a CSR at a Mobile Company within the caribbean(Jamaica)
Agent:Pleasant Good-day how may I assist?
Customer: Morning Ma…am,(in dialect) I have a problem, can You help me?
Agent: Sure, delighted to assist please let me know how I can help.
Customer :Ma..am I was cooking a big Pot of Red Peas Soup I had my nokia phone in My Bosum( in bra) and I realized that It not in my Bosum anymore so I started to look for the phone ma..am then i think back and memba( remember) sey ( that) the last I had it was over the pot……..pause from customer…..
Agent: Hello ….please do continue what happened?
Customer: Yes the Peas in the pot was pressuring Ma..am so I took the pot off the stove Ma..am and I took a mi long spoon and started stirring the pot to ensure the peas ok ma..am and suh comes I realize Ma..am that the phone was pressuring into the pot for 30 mins, now I don’t know what to do please tell me how you can help me.
Agent: Well the phone may be water damaged, I;m not sure if it will still work my dear, since it was in the pot pressuring for 30 mins you may need to take to the repairs centre, which will be……
Customer:interjects…………..Ma…am Mi( I) Don’t care bout the phone ma..am that can pass, is mi pot a red peas soup mi waan know if it sstill good tell mi it can still eat? coz mi nuh( dont) have any more time fi cook a next pot of soup again…maam,do please tell me the soup nuh spoil , It can still eat?
Agent:…..long pause…mutes the call( dying of laughter)…I’m not sure,perhaps you may confirm with a doctor on that if it still healthy to eat????\
customer:I eat it it taste even sweeter so I will try my luck take care have a good day maam..Thanks
Agent..Sure you too,Have a good day..
Comment by fiona — 14 Dec 2009 @ 1:26 am