Call Centre Helper Poetry Competition – The Results Related Articles Contact Centre Poetry Competition 2011 - The Results Typical Roles in a Call Centre – With Job Descriptions Motivational Games for Call Centres What Is Working in a Call Centre Really Like? 16,132 Filed under - Call Centre Life Thanks to who stepped up to the challenge and really did get their creative juices flowing. We had a fantastic response with many, many witty poems and limericks hitting our screens. A total of 13 poems and 63 limericks were submitted. We have listed all of the entries below together with the winning limerick and poem…. The standard was exceptionally high and it was very hard to chose an overall winner. It all goes to show the real calibre of people working in this industry. Winning Poem I’ll Call You Back This workplace is fun, This work place is loud, Everywhere you go, You hear a different sound. Thanks, Please hold, I’ll call you back, I’m afraid that’s sold. No two days are the same, You have your ups and downs, You never know what’s coming next, It’s often processing pounds. You could be having a really bad day, Nothing is going right, But it only takes a brilliant call, To make you see the light. To summarise my work, To my secret I will let you enter, The only place I would like to work, Is this award winning call centre. By Kayleigh Wright Highly Commended Working in a call centre, you take lots of calls. Some are good, some break your balls! Some callers are polite, and some try with all their might, but we know the customer isn’t always right! But if we stay calm, callers will come to no harm and be happy if we put on the charm! And though they may get their own way at the end of the call, remember to say Thank you for calling, have a nice day! By Lindsay Cameron ______________________________________ Life in a call centre oh what does it mean? It’s all open space with no walls in between Open door policy and suggestions boxes Don’t you just love when you get unexpected visits from the bosses Life in a call centre oh what does it mean? Very busy telephone lines, little breaks in between Lots of talking and chatting, lots of help and advice Oh life in a call centre isn’t it nice 🙂 By Poppy ______________________________________ A day at work Monday Morning it begins again. The weekly cycle of calls, complaints and polar issues Any hopes of the sun shining are naturally, in vain. The depressing weather makes me want to reach for the tissues. I enter the office and sit on my chair The drinks machine has a queue, I have time to choose. But I’m a patient man so I don’t care. I need to cut down on tea anyway! And the booze! I log in to my computer and my phone Its very warm so I stick my fan to high. I can overhear my colleague having a moan. What’s her problem? My oh my! I don’t see what the fuss is all about My first call goes rather well. The passenger does not even shout She booked and it wasn’t a hard sell. Then again she was a loyal pax Not one of the newcomers calling But either way my attitude can’t be lax Or we will see our booking figures falling. The morning goes by a quite a pace I keep to myself and people think I’m a mardy arse Some days I really don’t mind this place. But on others my good moods are rather sparse. I deal with tickets, shore ex and onboard money The passengers and agents usually in a good mood. When I answer my calls I try to be chatty and funny. And I pay attention even though I’m thinking about food. As lunch approaches, it is on mind as I watch the time. Should I have a subway or penne pasta down the jester? Hmmmm meatball marinara would do just fine. Now I’ve eaten I could do with a siesta! As the afternoon rolls on the phone doesn’t stop ringing Agents asking silly questions and demanding free stuff Sometimes they are entitled and they leave singing But others times they are not so lucky, so tough! More and more calls as the queue gets long resplanning are on my case but I have to help Mrs. Carter. She has issues with her fare and thinks we are wrong. But I work it out and correct her fare so now she thinks I’m a martyr. All in all a pretty good day but I’m glad its time for home I will be back tomorrow ready and raring Maybe I’ll even give my hair a comb. That would be quite daring! By Alex Wade ______________________________________ A day in the life of a call centre Working at a call centre not everyone’s cup of tea some do not like the pressure yet the job appealed to me I started here 2001 For BT and Vodafone Six years now I’ve been here I have no cause to moan You help all types of people A varied stock of folk From upper class gentles To your ordinary bloke Here to help them are we North, East, or West or South To answer all their queries Not give as load of mouth Okay you get the odd one You’d like to cut off quite slickly But if you work hard at your job you’ll sort them out quite You have a team behind you Without a shadow of a doubt They are ready to assist you You only have to shout TL’s, AOM,’s All there to stop your fall If you get into trouble They’ll take over on your call HR, also recruitment, also play their part HR for when you get here Recruitment before you start The most popular department We love it body and soul We bless it every month We love the girls of our Payroll I’ve seen some weird stuff a guy preparing lunch, from his bag, he took a loaf Butter, fill it start to munch I saw him take his headset off Don’t read ahead you’ll spoil it. ‘Still there?’ he said when he got back ‘I’ve just been to the toilet’ A bored clerk answered ‘Pizza hut` Then he’d cut the call’ He did not last much time They marched him down the hall Another used to fall asleep Half way through a call He’d pile some Zeees up snort awake and then back to sleep he’d fall He confused a lot customers Who thought he’d half a brain Also the current TL Who to the customer would explain He claimed Narcolepsy And to the doctors he would hurry NO! he had a job till 3.00 am Delivering rice and curry. You have your laughs when working here We help each other through it And nowhere else I’ve worked before Is comp’rable to Conduit By Neil Davies ______________________________________ Other entries: I have lots of thoughts Rushing around inside my head If i was to empty it What would land on the table would be Numbers Letters Pictures And maybe even some fully formed words and sentences Once they are on the table I would piece them together like a jigsaw Finding my real feelings on matters that i didn’t know i even had feelings about What i am trying to do here is help myself finish this jigsaw while its still in my head I’m going to start with the corners By Peter Lloyd ______________________________________ Short on curlies I used to have a curly lead When I worked out on the floor For Conduit in Cardiff In Balmy days of yore I turned my back quite suddenly And t’was just as I’d feared Once again my curly lead Had gone away, just disappeared I don’t know where they go to What for, or when, or why But I cannot keep my curlies safe No matter how I try It’s not as though they’re valuable Aesthetic work of art Nor even are they edible A curlies pie won’t start Is there a kinky fetish that I know Nowt about involving Curly wires I cry ! this my friend, I doubt Now the question I keep asking That shakes me to the core Is why do you keep taking them? What the !*%! D’you want them for? Theyre no dashed good to any one Out side the call centre life You cannot wrap them up in silk And give them to your wife So do you wrap them in a ball Or caress them in wiry porn Please do me one big favour JUST LEAVE THEM IN THE PHONE!!!! By Neil Davies ______________________________________ Someone intercepted a call i made and connected me to heaven, i negotiated celestial trade from a call centre in leven. The next day i called again, but couldn’t get through, my colleagues doubted i was sane, when a celestial messenger called out of the blue, he spoke to all the staff at once in an echoing heavenly cadence. By Barry ______________________________________ Call Handling – An Ode to Training Waiting for calls how very scary waiting for calls.. ..I’m sitting in ready Waiting for calls The public ask “serve us” Waiting for calls I’m really quite nervous Waiting for calls the first is the worst… …Had my first call My head’s gonna burst Call number two It was really quite hard Call number two used yellow card ! Waiting for calls I want to do more waiting for calls I WANT TO DO MORE Call number three that was a success CA1 admissions I’m making progress Handling calls – This isn’t so bad Handling calls The phone lines go mad Many more calls my call quality flowing Thanks to the Trainers and the way they’ve been showing Handling calls… …an accredited advisor The more calls I handle the more I get wiser So a big thank you Trainers and Management too I couldn’t have done it not without you. By Natalie Vaughan ______________________________________ Let me give you an insight into call centre life It’s not always plain sailing we have our share of trouble and strife Our day begins not knowing if it’s going to be slow or manic as the wall boards show calls queuing we try not to panic! We are experienced and professional but sometimes I doubt Our QE2 guests knew that ship inside out! My system – work with me When I request information – don’t hide! sometimes I wonder are you on my side? What are we thinking when we get that bleep in our ear? Is the customer going to he happy or grumpy? Sometimes it’s the latter I fear! And how do we deal with our customers? with a laugh and a smile! Our aim on every call is to go that extra mile. Our mission is to sell and to get that booking! Imagine our frustration only to be told – I’m just looking! Again we’ve been busy as we near the end of the day Call centre life is great and I wouldn’t have it any other way! By Paula Cooper ______________________________________ LOVE YOUR HEADSET Love your headset, keep it safe Each and every day When you leave your pod at night Take it far away Don’t leave it on your leader’s desk Or hidden on a pod Or on your next month’s pay slip A strange looking entry. ODD You’re almost sixty smackers short In this month’s pack of pay, So save us all the hassle. Just lock the thing away — The pod from hell Here’s the story sad to tell. It’s all about a pod from hell I entered one morning all carefree And quite a sight appeared to me Macdonalds wrappers by the score Five empty Coke tins, whoops! four more Last week’s Heat and Tuesday’s Sun Enough stale breadcrumbs to make a bun Four old apple cores and a pear Chewing gum on every chair Sweet wrappers under evryone’s seat And three whole slices of rancid meat And what’s that sticking to the chair Oh my God I think it’s hair It made my stomach feel all whirly Its someone else’s, short and curly Please take pride don’t follow suit Or no more staff we can recruit They’ll take a look at where we work and Run off screaming, quite berserk So clean your areas every day Make sure it sparkles as they say Don’t leave your pod with loads of mess in Let’s all make a good impression — I saw Justin wiring a pod on Thursday He had the top off, it was a danger to see Papers all over the sockets sadly A danger to all it seems clear to me. SO If you don’t want to set your pod on fire Remember my friend, these thing not to do Don’ t drop your waste right onto the wires that power your pod is a danger to you. Take all your rubbish and throw it away Timely advice, so please heed it I pray Don’t leave it fall through the pod slats Or there heating up it is going to stay You don’t need to set your pod on fire It’s warm enough to fry us all see If you ignite there’ll be a funeral pyre CSR’s all roast at 2000 degrees! Ny Neil Davies Winning Limerick There was a call centre agent from Slough Who was really a bit of a cow, When customers called HER She’d mutter and slur And they’d end up having a row A much better agent from Slough Took care of her customers, and how She said, “When you call me, Just you wait and see You’ll hang up and shout out ‘oh WOW’ So if you’re an agent from Slough Or anywhere else I’d vow Don’t pause or be nervous, Just give top class service. At awards night, you’ll take the bow!! By David Brown Highly Commended There was a call centre agent from Soton, who drank a magic potion, the following day, they tippled his pay, and gave him a huge promotion. By Marc Bellows ______________________________________ There was a call centre agent from So’ton Who always took calls with his coat on His reason for this Was secret because Cold calling was banned at his station By Gary Thorn ______________________________________ There was a call centre agent from Surrey Whose Team Leader kept telling him to hurry ‘There are calls in the queue… You know what to do… When you’re done we can go for a curry!” By Brad Parker ______________________________________ There was a Call Centre Agent from Stoke Whose telephone persona was a bloke She’d speak very slow And exceedingly low Trying her best not to choke By Anita M ______________________________________ Other entries: There was a call center agent from Dublin whose supervisor found her behavior troublin’. When the phone would ring, she’d get up and sing. And from her accent you’d swear she’s from Brooklyn. By Mike Gospe ______________________________________ There was a call agent from Cardiff Gate who loved his job just couldn’t wait he’d man his phone and all alone hit all his targets. now that’s just great! There was a call agent from Cardiff Gate who approached his job with bile and hate he’d cut his call morale would fall If next to this man you’d locate There was a call agent from Ireland whose career he had already planned he started way down but he liked it and found twas here he would settle and stand There was a call agent from heaven who joined us an angel, at seven o’clock it occurred they passed down the word she was really a slapper from Devon There was as call agent from China who when twisting could see right behind her a curious trick could make you feel sick coming or going you never could find her There was a call agent from Cardiff Who asked me would it be bad if I started to cry when the customers try to say that I sound like a mastiff By Neil Davies ______________________________________ There was a call center agent from Eiling Who always spoke loudly with great feeling Other agents complained But management abstained Because his numbers went right through the ceiling By John Barth ______________________________________ There was a call centre agent from nam Who was constantly just selling spam With no meat on his plate He was tempted to fate Just broccoli, potatoes no ham. By David Wheeler ______________________________________ There was a call agent approached Condu I.T applied for a job he misread us you see It’s not software we write but perhaps you just might take some Vodafone calls on floor three There was a call agent in Hodge There was a call agent from Hodge Whose calls he always would dodge He’d say Pizza Hut your order please Butt As complaints the clients would lodge There was a call agent from Hodge House Who had all the charm of a dead louse He’ sit at the pod And talk really odd We think he is really a scouse. There was a call agent from Cardiff Gate Who came to an untimely fate Whilst on a call He risked it all By asking all females for a date There was a call agent from Cardiff Gate Who put on quite a lot of weight Whilst on the phones He gained ten stones And is now in a blubbery state By Neil Davies ______________________________________ There’s a Call Centre Agent from Argyll, Who left me on ‘hold’ quite a while, But she sorted my plight, and so after my flight I voyaged with Cunard in style. There’s a Call Centre Agent from Neath Who has problematic false teeth, They often fly out, and ‘boy’ does she shout, They’ve heard her from Lands End to Leith By Nigel Harriskine-Cook ______________________________________ There was a call centre agent from Derry Who went to work feeling Merry When he spoke on the phone All the guests did was moan Now he’s a guest on TV with Jerry !! By Anthony mallinson ______________________________________ There was a call centre agent from Kent Whose headset was horribly bent when the agent she spoke, it sounded like a sick joke which wasn’t nice for our elderly gents! By Sarah Savage ______________________________________ The was a call centre from P&O Cruises who was always covered in bruises. His phone was so busy it made his head dizzy and he had to make his excuses! By Lindsay Cameron ______________________________________ There was a Call Centre Agent from Rhyll Whose days were quite run of the mill She’d talk on the phone Till the cows came home But her up-sell performance was nil! — There was a Call Centre Agent from Old Basing Whose job was to sell double glazing He dialled from 8 to 9 Which was my dinner time My answer could need some re-phrasing! — There was a Call Centre Agent from Wasing Who called me about double glazing He was very persistent Despite the fact I was insistent That the view from my caravan was already amazing By Anita M ______________________________________ There was a call centre agent from Travelcare, She was so frazzled she was pulling out her hair. I tried to calm her and make her see, That what she was trying to do is actually quite easy. I helped her through the process, Until she was happy that the booking was a success. She is no longer reduced to anxiety and stress, Because she is now an expert on CCS. By Simone Whitson ______________________________________ Shakespeare and the call centre agent by Anthony Collins! There once was a call centre agent, who hailed from Stratford upon Avon Their communication skills, gave customers no thrills; a call of many terrors, a right comedy of errors No features and benefits nor asking for the sale No emotive language like in a Shakespeare’s tale No questioning techniques nor trofs nor peaks! No going the extra mile in this Shakespeare’s tale Alas, poor customer, not all call centre agents need a ‘taming of the shrew’ Some, i promise, really do have a clue! Some are strong like Julius Caeser and King Lear They’ll never fail to make that sale, Not now, not ever, not in this Shakespeare’s tale. By Anthony Collins ______________________________________ The was a call centre agent from P&O Cruises who was always covered in bruises. His phone was so busy it made his head dizzy and he had to make his excuses! There was a call centre agent from Ocean Village He had a respectable image He was obsessed with the sea and carried a bowl of water with him so that he was often the cause of a spillage! There was a call centre agent from Cunard who worked extremely hard He worked his fingers to the bone answering the phone ’til he changed his job to work in the dockyard There was a call centre agent from Princess who suffered from terrible baldness His colleagues slapped him on the head until he was dead … they didn’t show much niceness! There was another call centre agent from Princess who sold cruises that were simply priceless They had stewards and captains excursions and cabins And even a pretty waitress! There was a call centre agent from Seabourn Who woke up at the crack of dawn He raced to work as he didn’t like to shirk and wanted to sell the new Sojourn! By Lindsay Cameron ______________________________________ There was a lady from Swift who called during my Saturday shift She was unhappy about Queen Victoria’s naming I wasn’t sure for what she was aiming but she told me that ‘the queen was miffed’. There was a travel agent very smart who did bookings for Cunard She knew every promo Every gangway, every no-no But wanted to know where in London a transatlantic would start. There was a lady who phoned on behalf of her daughter and with all her questions she was ready to slaughter She demanded to know while ordering a bottle of bordeaux If an outside cabin would be under water? By Kirsty Van Lieshout ______________________________________ There was a call centre agent from Leeds Who did his best, to convert, his leads, When the sales dried up… …and his confidence shook, He endeavoured to fulfil other needs! By Dale Shephard ______________________________________ There was a call agent from Cardiff Gate who loved his job just couldn’t wait he’d man his phone and all alone hit all his targets. now that’s just great! The was a call agent from Abertawe who looked a lot like David Bowi e he had a part-time job from the river he’d lob poached salmon from the river Towy There was a call agent Setanta who at her staf would rant her way at her staff for havin a laff and engaging in dry witty banter There was a call agent from Vodafone who spoke in a very low monotone your much to quiet you’ll have to try it Through a great big megaphone There was a call agent from Swansea town who never let his colleagues down On time for work he’d never shirk On slackers in situ he’d frown There was a call agent from Swansea Who truthfully between you and me Talked such utter rot He got sacked on the spot For swearing at Customers grandiosly By Neil Davies ______________________________________ There was a call centre agent from Limerick Who thought competitions were a gimmick He worked out his time Completing a rhyme And hopes success will lead to a – hic! By Jonathan Wax ______________________________________ There was a Call Centre Agent from Mauritius, Upon starting his job he was inspired and ambitious, After a year in the role It had sucked out his soul As he found the job so repetitious! — So the Agent moved to Bangalore Where he found job opportunities galore He got a job in MI And always asked, why? He had not considered this move before! By Roslyn Ingham ______________________________________ There was a call agent from Mumbles near Swansea, whose calls he just grumbles The facts he imparts As he stutters and starts To pronounce names, he can’t help it he fumbles There was a call agent from Splott Near Cardiff one day felt quite hot He stripped to the bone While answering phone Calls, and sweating a beautiful sight. NOT!! The was a call agent from Abertawe who looked a lot like David Bowie But only when again and again he’d been dragged twice through the Towy There was a call agent from Dublin who always was in trouble in fact we thought that he got caught selling headsets and prices was doubling There was a call agent from Wales Who was super at call centre tales he’d tell us tall stories of arrogant bores he’s had calls from sold SKY to ,and made Sales There was a call agent from hell at first we just could not tell but the havoc he’ll wreak’ll with brimstone and treacle give him away plus also the smell. There was a call agent who died on a call one day we espied they kept him on line they said he was fine to deal with complaints calls they despised There was a call agent from Spain he answered the phone now n’again he said down the line don’t ask me cos I’m just sitting here going insane — There was a call agent from above Who worked at his job, full of love with calm and respect wrong numbers correct not tell them their handsets to shove. There was a call agent from Cardiff Gate he’d cut his call morale would fall If next to this man you’d locate There was a call agent from Vodafone who spoke in a very low monotone your much to quiet you’ll have to try it Through a great big megaphone There was a call agent from Sky no matter how hard he could try to take many calls in the Ivory halls Of the Number in Cardiff they say There was a call agent Nann Tucket with a grin you can chuck it away with a grin if you think I’d put in a poem that ended with *!%!! it By Neil Davies ______________________________________ Author: Jo Robinson Published On: 8th Jul 2009 - Last modified: 26th Sep 2017 Read more about - Call Centre Life Recommended Articles Contact Centre Poetry Competition 2011 - The Results Typical Roles in a Call Centre – With Job Descriptions Motivational Games for Call Centres What Is Working in a Call Centre Really Like? 16 Comments There was a call centre agent from Slough Who was really a bit of a cow, When customers called HER She’d mutter and slur And they’d end up having a row A much better agent from Slough Took care of her customers, and how She said, “When you call me, Just you wait and see You’ll hang up and shout out ‘oh WOW’ So if you’re an agent from Slough Or anywhere else I’d vow Don’t pause or be nervous, Just give top class service. At awards night, you’ll take the bow!! David Brown 11 Jun at 11:58 I have lots of thoughts Rushing around inside my head If i was to empty it What would land on the table would be Numbers Letters Pictures And maybe even some fully formed words and sentences Once they are on the table I would piece them together like a jigsaw Finding my real feelings on matters that i didnt know i even had feelings about What i am trying to do here is help myself finish this jigsaw while its still in my head I’m going to start with the corners Peter Lloyd 11 Jun at 13:06 There was a Call Centre Agent from Rhyll Whose days were quite run of the mill She’d talk on the phone Till the cows came home But her up-sell performance was nil! Anita M 17 Jun at 14:35 There was a Call Centre Agent from Stoke Whose telephone persona was a bloke She’d speak very slow And exceedingly low Trying her best not to choke Anita M 17 Jun at 14:36 There was a call center agent from Dublin whose supervisor found her behavior troublin’. When the phone would ring, she’d get up and sing. And from her accent you’d swear she’s from Brooklyn. Mike Gospe 17 Jun at 19:59 Short on curlies I used to have a curly lead When I worked out on the floor For Conduit in Cardiff In Balmy days of yore I turned my back quite suddenly And t’was just as I ‘d feared Once again my curly lead Had gone away, just disappeared I don’t know where they go to What for, or when, or why But I cannot keep my curlies safe No matter how I try It’s not as though they’re valuable Aesthetic work of art Nor even are they edible A curlies pie wo’nt start Is there a kinky fetish that I know Nowt about involving Curly wires I cry ! this my friend, Idoubt Now the question I keep asking That shakes me to the core Is why do you keep taking them? What the !*%! D’you want them for? Theyre no dashed good to any one Out side the call centre life You cannot wrap them up in silk And give them to your wife So do you wrap them in a ball Or carress them in wirey porn Please do me one big favour JUST LEAVE THEM IN THE PHONE!!!! LOVE YOUR HEADSET Love you headset,keep it safe Each and every day When you leave your pod at night Take it far away Don’t leave it on your leader’s desk Or hidden on a pod Or on your next month’s pay slip A strange looking entry. ODD Youre almost sixty smackers short In this month’s pack of pay, So save us all the hassle. Just lock the thing away The pod from hell Here’s the story sad to tell. It’s all about a pod from hell I entered one morning all carefree And quite a sight appeared to me Macdonalds wrappers by the score Five empty Coke tins, whoops! four more Last weeks heat and Tuesdays Sun Enough stale breadcrumbs to make a bun Four old apple cores and a pear Chewing gum on every chair Sweet wrappers under evryone’s seat And three whole slices of rancid meat And what’s that sticking to the chair Oh my God I think it’s hair It made my stomach feel all whirly Its someone else’s, short and curly Please take pride don’t follow suit Or no more staff we can recruit They’ll take a look at where we work and Run off screaming, quite berserk So clean your areas every day Make sure it sparkles as they say Don’t leave your pod with loads of mess in Let’s all make a good impression Neil Davies 24 Jun at 01:51 Hi guys and gals did you receive my limericks there were about 40? Neil Davies 25 Jun at 18:59 There was a call agent approached Condu I.T applied for a job he misread us you see It’s not softwrae we write but perhaps you just might take some Vodafonecalls on floor three There was a call agent in Hodge There was acall agent from Hodge Whose calls he always would dodge He’d say Pizza Hut your order please Butt As complaints the clients would lodge There was a call agent from Hodge House Who had all the charm of a dead louse He’ sit at the pod And talk really odd We think he is really a scouse. There was a call agent from Cardiff Gate Who came to an untimely fate Whilst on a call He risked it all By asking all females for a date There was a call agent from Cardiff Gate Who put on quite a lot of weight Whilst on the phones He gained ten stones And is now in a blubbery state Neil Davies 25 Jun at 19:00 There was a call agent from Cardiff Gate who loved his job just couldn’t wait he’d man his phone and all alone hit all his targets. now that’s just great! There was a call agent from Cardiff Gate who appoached his job with bile and hate he’d cut his call morale would fall If next to this man you’d locate There was a call agent from Irleand whos’s career he had already planned he stareted way down but he liked it and found twas here he would settle and stand There was a call agent from heaven who joined us an angel, at seven o’clock it occurred they passed down the word she was really a slapper from Devon There was as call agent from China who when twisting could see right behind her a curious trick could make you feel sick coming or going you never could find her There was a call agent from Cardiff Who asked me would it be bad if I started to cry when the customers try to say that I sound like a mastiff Neil Davies 25 Jun at 19:01 There was a call agent from Cardiff Gate who loved his job just couldn’t wait he’d man his phone and all alone hit all his targets. now that’s just great! The was a call agent from Abertawe who looked a lot like David Bowi e he had a part-time job from the river he’d lob poached salmon from the river Towy There was a call agent Setanta who at her staf would rant her way at her staff for havin a laff and engaging in dry witty banter There was a call agent from Vodafone who spoke in a very low monotone your much to quiet you’ll have to try it Through a great big megaphone There was a calll agent from Swansea town who never let his colleages down On time for work he’d never shirk On slackers in situ he’d frown There was a call agent from Swansea Who truthfully between you and me Talked such utter rot He got sacked on the spot For swearing at Customers grandiously Neil Davies 25 Jun at 19:01 There was a call agent from Mumbles near Swansea, whose calls he just grumbles The facts he imparts As he stuttters and starts To pronounce names, he can’t help it he fumbles There was a call agent from Splott Near Cardiff one day felt quite hot He stripped to the bone While answering phone Calls, and sweating a beautifull sight. NOT!! The was a call agent from Abertawe who looked a lot like David Bowie Buit only when again and again he’d been dragged twice through the Towy There was a call agent from Dublin who always was in trouble in fact we thought that he got caught selling headsets and prices was doubling There was a call agent from Wales Who was super at call centre tales he’d tell us tall stories of arrogant bores he’s had calls from sold SKY to ,and made Sales There was a call agent from hell at first we just could not tell but the havfoc he’ll wreak”ll with brimstone and treacle give him away plus also the smell. There was a call agent who died on a call one day we espied they kept him on line they said he was fine to deal with complaints calls they despised There was a call agent from Spain he answered the phone now n’again he said down the line don’t ask me cos I’m just sitting here going insain Neil Davies 25 Jun at 19:02 There was a call agent from above Who worked at his job, full of love with calm and respect wrong numbers correct not tell them their handsets to shove. There was a call agent from Cardiff Gate he’d cut his call morale would fall If next to this man you’d locate There was a call agent from Vodafone who spoke in a very low monotone your much to quiet you’ll have to try it Thriough a great big megaphone There was a call agent from Sky no matter how hard he could try to take many calls in the Ivory halls Of the Number in Cardif they say There was a call agent Nann Tucket with a grin you can chuck it away with a grin if you think I’d put in a poem that ended with *!%!! it Neil Davies 25 Jun at 19:03 The pod from hell ( revisited ) I saw Justin wiring a pod on Thursday He had the top off, it was a danger to see Papers all over the sockets sadly A danger to all it seems clear to me. SO If you don’t want to set your pod on fire Remember my friend, these thing not to do Don’ t drop your waste right onto the wires that power your pod is a danger to you. Take all your rubbish and throw it away Timely advice, so please heed it I pray Don’t leave it fall through the pod slats Or there heating up it is going to stay You don’t need to set your pod on fire It’s warm enough to fry us all see If you ignite there’ll be a funeral pyre CSR’s all roast at 2000 degrees! By Neil Davies – poet launderette Neil Davies 25 Jun at 20:04 A day in the life of a call centre Working at a call centre not everyones cup of tea some do not like the pressure yet the job appealed to me I started here 2001 For BT and Vodafone Six years now I’ve been here I have no cause to moan You help all types of people A varied stock of folk From upper class gentles To your ordinary bloke Here to help them are we North, East, or West or South To answer all their queries Not give as load of mouth Okay you get the odd one You’d like to cut off quite slickly But if you work hard at your job you’ll sort them out quite You have a team behind you Without a shadow of a doubt They are ready to assist you You only have to shout TL’s, AOM,’s All there to stop your fall If you get into trouble They’ll take over on your call HR, also recruitment, also play their part HR for when you get here Recruitment before you start The most popular department We love it body and soul We bless it every month We love the girls of our Payroll I’ve seen some weird stuff a guy preparing lunch, from his bag, he took a loaf Butter, fill it start to munch I saw him take his headset off Don’t read ahead you’ll spoil it. ‘Still there?’ he said when he got back ‘I’ve just been to the toilet’ A bored clerk answered ‘Pizza hut` Then he’d cut the call’ He did not last much time They marched him down the hall Another used to fall asleep Half way through a call He’d pile some Zeees up snort awake and then back to sleep he’d fall He confused a lot customers Who thought he’d half a brain Also the current TL Who to the customer would explain He claimed Narcolepsy And to the doctors he would hurry NO! he had a job till 3.00 am Delivering rice and curry. You have your laughs when working here We help each other through it And nowhere else I’ve worked before Is comp’rable to Conduit Neil Davies 26 Jun at 11:20 A day in the life of a call centre Working at a call centre not everyones cup of tea some do not like the pressure yet the job appealed to me I started here 2001 For BT and Vodafone eight years now I’ve been here I have no cause to moan You help all types of people A varied stock of folk From upper class gentles To your ordinary bloke Here to help them are we North, East, or West or South To answer all their queries Not give as load of mouth Okay you get the odd one You’d like to cut off quite slickly But if you work hard at your job you’ll sort them out quite quickly You have a team behind you Without a shadow of a doubt They are ready to assist you You only have to shout There are many there to aid you All there to stop your fall If you get into trouble They’ll take over on your call HR, also recruitment, play a vital part they set you upwhen you begin ensuring a good start The most popular department We love it body and soul We bless it every month We love the girls of our Payroll I’ve seen some weird stuff a guy preparing lunch, from his bag, he took a loaf Butter, fill it start to munch I saw him take his headset off Don’t read ahead you’ll spoil it. ‘Still there?’ he said when he got back ‘I’ve just been to the toilet’ A bored clerk answered ‘Pizza hut` Then he’d cut the call’ He did not last much time They marched him down the hall Another used to fall asleep Half way through a call He’d pile some Zeees up snort awake and then back to sleep he’d fall He confused a lot customers Who thought he’d half a brain Also the current TL Who to the customer would explain He claimed Narcolepsy And to the doctors he would hurry NO! he had a job till 3.00 am Delivering rice and curry. You have your laughs when working here We help each other through it And nowhere else I’ve worked before Is comp’rable to Conduit Neil Davies 26 Jun at 11:25 Someone intercepted a call i made and connected me to heaven, i negotiated celestial trade from a call centre in leven. The next day i called again, but couldn’t get through, my colleagues doubted i was sane, when a celestial messenger called out of the blue, he spoke to all the staff at once in an echoing heavenly cadence. barry 5 Jul at 14:25 Contact Centre Reports, Surveys and White Papers Get the latest exciting call centre reports, specialist whitepapers and interesting case-studies. Choose the content that you want to receive. Contact Centre Reports, Surveys and White Papers Invites to exclusive Webinars & Events Weekly Newsletter