I don’t know much about football
As a teenager I used to play in the school yard. When they picked teams I was always the last poor sod standing there. I was usually dismissed to the other team with a “Oh, you have him”.
- I was fat
- I was slow
- I lacked talent
(Keep your thoughts to yourself.)
But I’m going to win the F.A. Cup
I’m going to invest in a team and then I’m going to coach them. Here’s how:
1. I’m going to get the right players
- I will invest when I can (my mate Gerry is a master at football manager)
- I’m going to grow my own talent, they call it an academy — I think
2. The players are going to train
- Eat the right foods
- Stop smoking
- Kick a football, then kick it again. And when they are done, they are going to kick it some more
- Spend Friday nights in — I guess drinking before a match is bad
3. I will create the right environment
- We will have a clear goal
- I’ll do motivational team talks
- We will develop rapport
- I’ll employ a sports psychologist to stop them messing with each other’s heads — and mine
4. I will buy them the right kit
- A strip — stripes are nice
- Some goal posts
- Boots, those with studs in to stop them slipping over
5. They will look at their performance
- They will watch every match
- Did they run when they could and pass when they couldn’t?
- They will learn from what went wrong
Why am I so sure I can win the F.A. Cup?
I clearly have no idea what I’m talking about. I couldn’t tell you one end of a football from another.
But I will win the cup, because unlike the rest of the Football League, which changes managers the way I change my socks (3 or 4 times a month), I will invest in a manager who knows what he is talking about and let him get on with it.
Shouldn’t you take a systematic view of performance, not a knee-jerk one?
Author: Jonty Pearce
Published On: 30th May 2014 - Last modified: 5th Feb 2019
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