We could all do with a little bit of a laugh from time to time. We have added in a number of funny stories that we have been sent over the past few months.
If you have come across any good call centre jokes please drop us a line and we’ll see if we can publish them.
Here is a selection of jokes and funny stories that we have been sent in over the last few months.
Modern management speak (Thanks to Tim W)
Net Lag: That glazed look when you have been online for too long.
Prairie dogging: When something happens in a call centre with cubicles, where people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.
Open-Collar Workers: People who work at home or telecommute.
Adminisphere: The rarefied organisation layers beginning just above the rank of call centre manager. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
Stress puppy: A person who thrives on being stressed-out and whiny.
Keyboard Plaque: The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on a computer keyboard.
Idea hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators running .
Mouse potato: The on-line generation’s answer to the couch potato.
Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.
Under Mouse Arrest: Getting busted for violating the company’s web browsing rule of conduct.
It’s a Feature: From the adage “It’s not a bug, it’s a feature.” Used sarcastically to describe an unpleasant experience that you wish to gloss over.
Alpha Geek: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. “Ask Tim, he’s the alpha geek around here.”
Mission critical: We are stuffed if this fails!
Salmon Day: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed in the end.
Chainsaw consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands
404:Someone who is clueless, from the World Wide Web error message “404 Not Found”, meaning the requested document couldn’t be located.
Performance Appraisal Terms and Their Real Meanings (Thanks to JennyP)
|Average Employee||Not that bright|
|Exceptionally Well Qualified||Made no major blunders yet|
|Active Socially||Drinks a lot|
|Character Above Reproach||Still one step ahead of the law|
|Quick Thinking||Offers plausible excuses|
|Careful Thinker||Won’t make a decision|
|Plans for advancement||Buys drinks for all the boys/girls|
|Uses Logic on Difficult jobs||Gets someone else to do it|
|Expresses Themselves Well||Speaks English|
|Meticulous Attention to Detail||A nit picker|
|Has Leadership Qualities||Has a loud voice|
|Exceptionally Good Judgment||Lucky|
|Keen Sense of Humour||Knows a lot of dirty jokes|
|Career Minded||Back Stabber|
|Of Great Value to the Organisation||Gets to work on time|
|Relaxed Attitude||Sleeps at desk|
|Independent Worker||Nobody knows what he/she does|
|Loyal||Can’t get a job anywhere else|
Can’t get through
Customer: “I’ve been ringing your call centre on 0700 2300 for two days and can’t get through to enquiries, can you help?”
Operator: “Where did you get that number from, sir?”
Customer: “It was on the door to the travel centre.”
Operator: “Sir, they are our opening hours.”
Tech Support: “Customer Support, this is David, may I help you?”
Customer: “Hello, yes, it’s me.”
Tech Support: “Oh, it’s me too.” [chuckle]
Customer: “No, Esmie. E, s, m, i, e.”
Tech Support: “Oh, sorry.”
RAC Motoring ServiceCaller:
“Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia?”
Operator: “Doesn’t the product give you a clue?”
Got any other jokes? Please send them in to us.
Call Centre Agent: “How can I help you?”
Caller: “My phone doesn’t work and I just bought it.”
Call Centre Agent: “Did you put the batteries in it and charge it for the prescribed number of hours?”
Caller: “What for? It says wireless on the box!”
Shouldn’t it work like a wireless? I should be able to switch it on and it should work straight away.”