# More Call Centre Jokes

From simple one liners to more complex anecdotes, here is our selection of funny call centre, customer service and telephone jokes, mailed in by you.

### Surreal joke

Customer: “I want to get the new Netscape from you people.”
Tech Support: “I’ll need to charge your account $30.” Customer: “What do you mean? I pay for this service.” Tech Support: “We’re providing the registered version of Netscape. Netscape charges us, so we have to charge you.” Customer: “Well, my son is a socialist and I spent a year in Spain. What do you have to say to that?” Tech Support: Uh…. Customer: “I thought so.” [click] ———————————– ### Rail Enquiries Customer: “How much does it cost to Bath on the train?” Operator: “If you can get your feet in the sink, then it’s free.” —————————– ### WordPerfect Customer Service Joke This is rather an old one, that has been around for a few years, but is one of my personal favourite jokes. Tech: “Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?” Customer: “Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.” Tech: “What sort of trouble?” Customer: “Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.” Tech: “Went away?” Customer: “They disappeared.” Tech: “Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?” Customer: “Nothing.” Tech: “Nothing?” Customer: “It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.” Tech: “Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?” Customer: “How do I tell?” Tech: “Can you see the “C” prompt on the screen?” Customer: “What’s a sea-prompt?” Tech: “Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?” Customer: “There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.” Tech: “Does your monitor have a power indicator?” Customer: “What’s a monitor?” Tech: “It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?” Customer: “I don’t know.” Tech: “Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?” Customer: “…Yes, I think so.” Tech: “Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.” Customer: “…Yes, it is.” Tech: “When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?” Customer: “No.” Tech: “Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.” Customer: “…Okay, here it is.” Tech: “Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.” Customer: “I can’t reach.” Tech: “Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?” Customer: “No.” Tech: “Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?” Customer: “Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle-it’s because it’s dark.” Tech: “Dark?” Customer: “Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.” Tech: “Well, turn on the office light then.” Customer: “I can’t.” Tech: “No? Why not?” Customer: “Because there’s a power outage.” Tech: “A power… a power outage? Aha! Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?” Customer: “Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.” Tech: “Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.” Customer: “Really? Is it that bad?” Tech: “Yes, I’m afraid it is.” Customer: “Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?” Tech: “Tell them you’re too stupid to own a computer.” ——————– ### Directory Enquiries Caller: “I’d like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please.” Telephone Operator: “I’m sorry, there’s no listing. Is the spelling correct?” Caller: “Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the ‘B’ fell off.” ——————————- Here is an old joke, but one of my favourites – Tech support: always they’re for you One day a guy calls tech support. This is a little like how it went… Customer: hello? Technical Support: hello Customer: yeah, my cup holder broke and my computer is still under warranty, so I would like to get it replaced. Technical Support: ummm cup holder? Customer: yeah cup holder… Technical Support: ummm did you get it with a promotional offer? Customer: no Technical Support: umm are you sure you got the right company? Customer: yeah Technical Support: Ummm… i ‘m sorry if I sound confused, because I am. Customer: well it’s square, and it’s on the front of the computer, and it comes out when you press a button… At this point the Tech support guy had to put the guy on hold so he could finish laughing… The guy had broken his CD-ROM drive, thinking it was a cup holder. ———- Here is a funny story that I found on another web site One thing that has always bugged me, and I’m sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating to them as they were to me. This particular call happened to be from AT&T and it went something like this: Me: Hello AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T… Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T… Me: This is AT&T? AT&T: Yes This is AT&T… Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please? Me: May I ask who is calling? AT&T: This is AT&T. Me: OK, hold on. At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting. Me: Hello? AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron? Me: May I ask who is calling please? AT&T: Yes this is AT&T… Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes this is AT&T… Me: The phone company? AT&T: Yes sir. Me: I thought you said this was AT&T. AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company. Me: I already have a phone. AT&T: We aren’t selling phones today Mr. Byron. We would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Me: Now, that’s 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day? AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, Sir, that’s right! 24 hours a day! Me: 7 days a week? AT&T: That’s right. Me: 365 days a year? AT&T: Yes sir. Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That’s amazing! AT&T: We think so! Me: That’s quite a sum of money! AT&T: Yes sir, it’s amazing how it adds up. Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full$52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?
AT&T: Excuse me?
Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?
Me: You said you’d give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day,$1,008 per week and \$52,560 per year. I’m just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn’t mean we’d be paying you. You pay US 10 cents a minute.
Me: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that you’ll give me 10 cents a minute, that I’ll give YOU 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I’ve read about things like this
in the Enquirer, you know.
AT&T: No, Sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for…
Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
AT&T: Sir, I don’t think that is necessary.
Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.

At this point I begin trying to finish my dinner.

Supervisor: Mr. Byron?
Me (with mouth full of food): Yeth?
Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.
Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
Supervisor: Yes, Sir, it sure is.

I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.

Me: No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.
Supervisor: OK, no problem, I’ll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
Me: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?
Me: No, but I was wondering — do you have that “friends and family” thing? Because you can never have enough friends and I’m an only child and I’d really like to have a little brother…
AT&T: (*Click*)
—–
Mancheter United Call Centre

Manchester United Have set up a Call Centre for fans who are troubled by their current form.

The number is 0800 10 10 10.

Once again the number is…

0800 won nothing won nothing won nothing
——–
All of these call centre jokes have been sent in by our readers over the past few months. If you know of any funny jokes or stories, please drop us a line and we’ll publish it here.

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LOL

brad 19 Apr at 4:05 pm
2. Hahahaha i love it!

Farah Bella 25 May at 5:30 am
3. XD…that was really funny…^^

MJ 30 Apr at 8:34 am
4. that was reaaly fun.. nice thing you have all these jokes for call center agent like me, for others to figure out what really the nature of our job. haha

errr. 6 May at 5:40 am
5. That whole at&t thing was not funny , i work for at&t in residential office..that is soo stupid of u to do that..actually we got paid for that call..and in the end YOU WASTED UR TIME AND DINNER HAHA! jokes on you

Nicole 26 May at 9:50 pm
6. Having been extremely irritated by cold callers myself, I find what Mr Byron did absolutely hilarious. I absolutely refuse to believe that cold calling is an effective means of securing a sale.

And if the “Too stupid to own a computer” incident really happened, I have the utmost sympathy with the technician too. I’m not sure whether it did happen or not, as I have been unable to find a recording but it wouldn’t surprise me if it had happened. A friend who’s a technician once got called out to someone who was having trouble setting up a computer. Imagine the look on my friend’s face when he saw that they were trying to connect the tower to the TV.

Nic 29 Jul at 12:40 pm
7. OMG i fell off of my chair laghing with the “stupid to own a computer” one. and until now while im typing this comment, i can’t still help but laugh.. good one!!!

nai 4 Oct at 1:27 am
8. Working in a call floor and just imagining from both sides makes me laugh because I already know the telemarketers view.. And now I know why I have so many odd calls

sierra 7 Nov at 4:09 am
9. i work at a call centre for tech support, i asked the customer to close all windows, the customer told me to hold on, i heard all his windows slammed in then he came back to the call out of breath…have in mind we are troubleshooting internet

Avinash 9 Aug at 8:12 am
10. I still don’t know why customers ask me what is a power cord…

Avinash 9 Aug at 8:13 am
11. I used to work on The Daily Mail campaign looking after their Loyalty reward scheme. The newly designed web site which replaced a predecessor format had just gone live, the web address is www .mymail .co .uk I had a lady called to find out the journey to the new web site. I explained to start up Google Chrome and in the URL Box in the top left hand corner to type in WWW DOT MY MAIL DOT CO DOT UK. It did not work for her, I explained it 3 times to her and to no avail and zero success. On the 4th attempt I asked her to listen very carefully WWW DOT MY MAIL ALL ONE WORD DOT CO DOT UK. That still did not work because it turns out she was typing in www .mymailalloneword .co .uk

Gary 13 Jun at 8:47 am
12. I, working for a bank call centre, was helping an octogenarian to register for online banking services. 45 minutes of “alright, now see the address bar at the top of the browser window?” – after explaining what each of the terms meant in detail – ended in – “Oh, I don’t have a computer”. I have no idea what he was looking at through the whole process…..

Sean 28 Jun at 10:56 pm
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