Contact Centre Poetry Competition 2011 – The Results

And the winners are…

Best Twitter Poem – Ring ring, ring ring, the phone does sing….
Best Limerick – There was a call centre agent from Tooting….
Best Poem – What is a call centre like?….

Read on to see the poems in full.

A big thank you to everyone who responded to our poetry competition challenge and sent in either a poem, limerick or Twitter poem.

We have listed all of the entries below.

Congratulations to the winners, a bottle of champagne is on its way to you. 

Best Twitter Poem – Winner

Ring ring, ring ring, the phone does sing, with helpful chatter, people who natter and lots of advice that really does matter.
@laurasjackson

Best Limerick – Winner

There was a call centre agent from Tooting
Who was constantly chastised for muting.
“This phone’s got a gremlin”
“It’s like working at the Kremlin”
“So I’m off to work for Mr Putin !”

By Andy Chapman

Best Poem – Winner

What is a call centre like?

When all the lines are busy and wrap ups to the max
There are no more agents free and work’s pouring from the fax
“It must be nearly lunchtime” – I hear one agent say
“I must have taken my share of calls, already, so far, today.”

Regardless of the volume, you must remain polite
Remember the customer still senses your mood even though you’re out of sight
Remember verbal nods and smile throughout each call
Be aware of your tone of voice and pace
Your calls are monitored after all!

But when you ask the question “what is a call centre like?”
It’s at times an uphill struggle on a long enduring hike
The lines are always busy and you must remain logged in
The noise levels can rise quite quickly and the calls keep rolling in

But please don’t underestimate the important role we play
Delivering excellent customer service each and every day

So next time you phone a call centre remember – We are people, too
And we do understand the importance of what our customer service means to you.

By Michelle Aidley

Best Twitter Poem – Runner Up

Winter sun rising/ shadows lengthen with bird song/ like call queues
@PaulSweeney

Best Twitter Poem – Other entries:

Profits to earn so how can we learn why customers churn, their loyalty we yearn, yet despite our concern our service they spurn.
@GrahamThatcher

Call centre staff I’m told, should be amazing, efficient & Bold, be smart, sublime, get it right first timeand never put me on hold!
@RobertFlowers

I’ve been on hold for quite a while, so answer please and make me smile.
@dougshaw1

IVR,Live chat, email, no fail, phone us, FB, Twitter, snail mail, your satisfaction – our Holy Grail
@BearskinNy

People who moan make it tricky answering the phone but I offer good service to all; knowling I can help is why I answer the call.
@laurasjackson

Best Limerick – Runner Up

There was a Call Centre Planner from Kent
whose youth with Excel was mispent
He planned for the mob
He failed at his job
and ended feet first in cement

By Aaron Gourlay

Best Limerick – Other entries:

There was a Call Centre agent from Brum
Who suffered from ulcers in her tum
With all the claim & complaint
’Tis enough to make me faint
Why are my customers so dumb?

By David Richards

—

Found a number in the Yellow Pages
Was on hold then for ages and ages
Oh please answer for me
As I’m needing to pee
Whilst my house is still flooding in stages.

By TM Team

Best Poem – Runner Up

Across the hills and far away
There is a place known as Bombay,
And in that place there lies a site
Where calls are handled day and night.

Within this site, I now proceed,
Three-dozen agents intercede
To help the callers with their day
And send them on their merry way.

Behind the scenes, the QA team
Begins to function like a dream,
To audit agents on the floor
And gauge the standard of rapport.

Back in London, you’ll care to know,
A team of seniors run the show,
Congratulating each success;
Their goal? To know that they’re the best.

A thousand pieces interlock
To provide service ‘round the clock;
To keep it running like a breeze
Just memorise my mantra, please:

The Contact Centre’s like a pear;
The stalk’s support, the seeds are care,
The flesh is like a web well-spun
To keep the outfit all as one.

By George Dixon

Best Poem – Other entries:

A little poem I shall share
Regarding contact centre care,
And matters which may well concern
Folks hoping for an upward turn.

From outbound/sales to switching abroad,
It’s sometimes hard to strike the chord,
And get that vital balance right
To boost your earnings overnight.

Offshore, onshore, nationwide,
From Bangalore to Merseyside,
What is the greatest way to test
And run your centre at its best?

Communication is the key
From Chief of Board to fresh Trainee;
With all your agents on one page,
You’ll loose potential from its cage!

But many centres need a hand
With outfits run in distant lands,
And even in-house scripting woes
Or idle agents to dispose.

But don’t dismay if things seem bleak.
Disheartened? Turn the other cheek.
For there’s a body who’ll assist
And strive to grant your every wish!

With help and aid from XXX
(X X X, to you and me),
Your outfit’s run at minor cost
And not a single cust’ is lost.

For details, facts and things to know,
Come visit us, we’ll help you grow,
And talk about your road map tree
Over a lovely cup of tea!

By James Barnes

—

Slumped in front of my VDU
Wishing there was something else to do
Staring at white fluttering blinds
With my headset slowly killing my mind.

Looking out of the windows, I can see
The roof tops of Wimbledon laughing at me
The trees are waving, they seem to say
‘Come out, escape, experience the day.’

But still I sit like an inanimate clone
Listening to the printers whine and drone
How much longer can it be
Oh Christ, it’s still only 10:53.

By Janette Coultard

—

The Useless Agent

5 calls waiting… 10 calls waiting
At my desk I’m contemplating
How busy will it be today?
Will I have a chance to play?

Will the phones ring non-stop,
Back to back until I drop?
Will the customers keep on wailing?
Or will it all be plain sailing?

Will today be one big doss?
Just sending emails about my boss.
“What an arse, he thinks he’s cool”
Woops, I just hit reply to all.

I hope he doesn’t check his mail
And see my epic message fail.
I’m only halfway through the week
And already I’m up the creek.

But it’s too late, it’s all been done
The milk is spilt, it’s time for fun.
I’m nearly done on Angry Birds
But callers seem to come in herds.

This man wants to place an order
But he has a sleep disorder
I ask him for his debit card
There’s no response, I listen hard.

I ask again, still no reply
I’m wasting time, I give a sigh
It’s like talking to a wall
I’m in this one for the long haul.

But never mind the ACT
Sitting silent’s fine with me.
All things considered it’s easy work.
Better than dealing with some berk.

As long as I stay on the line
My Angry Birds will go just fine
But the caller is still there
I hear his breathing stir the air.

And then the answer comes to me
The problem’s clear for all to see
He doesn’t hear me any more
I know for sure, I hear him snore.

As he catches 40 winks
I think how much this job stinks
All day I listen to them drone
Until the moment I go home.

After an hour he jerks awake
Just in time for my break
“Come on now I want to pay”
He says he hasn’t got all day.

“Good for you” I reply.
“But I’m not going to lie,
To me this job is one big joke
And now I’m going for a smoke”

I cut him off in mid protest
This job has got me mighty stressed
Fags in hand through the door I walk,
My boss stops me, “We need to talk!”

“I can’t be arsed”, to him I swear.
“I tried my best but I just don’t care.
I have had it with this dive.”
He nods and hands me my P45

By KevinP

—

No call will fall, because our agents answer with a song.

By Silvia Planella

The last call centre poetry competition that we ran in 2009 was a great success with a total of 13 poems and 63 limericks submitted.

Author: Jonty Pearce