Are Customers Really Ruder When They Can Hide Behind the Phone?

For too many agents, handling calls from rude customers is business as usual. But have you ever stopped to wonder why this is so common?

To find out, we asked Danny Wareham to put the spotlight on the psychology of contact centres and explain exactly why rudeness and distance combine into the perfect storm when the customer can’t be seen.

The Tone Is Sharper When a Customer Places a Call Instead

The customer steps up to the counter, waits to be acknowledged, and begins to explain the issue. There is a measured quality to the interaction.

Even where frustration is present, it remains moderated within the boundaries of what is socially acceptable, shaped by pauses, tone, and the subtle calibrations that come with being physically present.

Later that same day, the same customer places a call. The issue is unchanged. The outcome they want is identical. But something about the interaction feels different.

The tone is sharper and their patience is thinner. The phrasing is more direct, and occasionally more abrasive. The boundaries that held in the face-to-face interaction seem, somehow, less fixed.

This contrast is familiar to anyone who has spent time in a contact centre. It is often explained in simple terms. Customers are frustrated, they have waited in a queue, and they are dealing with a problem they did not want to have.

All of this is true, and all of it contributes. But it does not fully explain why the same individual might regulate their behaviour in one context and abandon that regulation in another.

To understand more about tone of voice, read our article: How to Utilize Tone of Voice in the Contact Centre

It Is the Conditions That Are Different – Not the Person

It is the conditions under which the interaction takes place, rather than the person, that are different. To understand why this shift occurs, we need to look beyond the surface of the interaction and into the psychological conditions that shape it.

One of the most useful ways to understand this shift is through the concept of Deindividuation, which describes a state in which an individual’s sense of self-awareness is reduced, often as a result of anonymity or distance.

In these conditions, behaviour becomes less constrained by social norms and more influenced by immediate emotion. People do not necessarily become more aggressive, but they do become less regulated.

In a Face-to-Face Interaction There Are Constant Reminders of the Other Person’s Presence

In a face-to-face interaction, there are constant reminders of the other person’s presence. Eye contact, facial expression, posture, and tone all act as feedback loops.

They reinforce the fact that the interaction is taking place between two individuals, each with their own reactions and sensitivities.

On the phone, many of these cues disappear. The agent is still present, but becomes a voice rather than a person; a role rather than an individual. The subtle social signals that would normally regulate behaviour are either weakened or absent entirely.

In this environment, it becomes easier for frustration to be expressed without the same degree of self-monitoring because the usual constraints on behaviour are weakened.

The structure of contact centre interactions amplifies this effect. Customers rarely call at a moment of calm. By the time the interaction begins, frustration is often already elevated.

Waiting in a queue, navigating automated systems, and repeating information can further increase that emotional intensity.

At the same time, the agent operates within tighter constraints. Scripts, processes, and compliance requirements shape how they respond, often reducing flexibility in the early stages of the interaction.

The result is an asymmetry, where the customer enters with heightened emotion and fewer social constraints, whilst the agent enters with professional expectations, but within stricter boundaries. The call’s behaviour reflects that imbalance.

Patience can be key when dealing with difficult calls. For advice on this, read our article: How to Practise Patience in Customer Service

All This Combines Into Emotional Labour for Agents

This places a particular demand on agents, often described as Emotional Labour. They are required to regulate their own responses while absorbing the unfiltered emotion of others.

Each interaction may be manageable in isolation. But, over time, repeated exposure to heightened emotion and reduced social regulation can have a measurable impact.

The requirement to remain composed, empathetic, and professional in the face of this behaviour adds a layer of demand that is often underestimated. Importantly, the behaviour they encounter is not always a reflection of how customers would act in other contexts.

Without that understanding, there is a risk of misattribution. Customers are seen as inherently difficult. Agents are encouraged to develop thicker skin. The underlying dynamics remain unaddressed.

For signs you need to do more to support your frontline teams, read our article: 21 Signs You Need to Better Support Your Contact Centre Teams

Resilience Training Does Not Address the Environment Producing the Behaviour

In response, organizations often focus on strengthening the agent. Resilience training, de-escalation techniques, and call control frameworks are introduced to help agents manage difficult interactions more effectively.

These interventions have value, and in many cases they are necessary. However, they share a common assumption: that the primary point of intervention is the individual handling the call.

What they do not address is the environment that is producing the behaviour in the first place.

After all, if the conditions of the interaction increase the likelihood of disinhibited behaviour, then focusing exclusively on the agent is only a partial solution.

There Are 4 Shifts That Can Make a Meaningful Difference

A different approach begins by recognizing that behaviour is, in part, designed. If behaviour is shaped by distance, anonymity, and emotional carryover, then the role of leadership is to design for it.

These are not large-scale transformations. But they are deliberate design choices, and over time they influence both the frequency and intensity of difficult behaviour.

If Behaviour Is Shaped by Context, Then It Can Also Be Shaped by Design

It is tempting to frame customer rudeness as a characteristic of the customer. In reality, it is more often a product of the interaction.

The same individual, in a different context, will behave differently because the conditions around them have changed.

This does not remove accountability from the customer. But it does broaden responsibility. Because if behaviour is shaped by context, then it can also be shaped by design.

The question for leaders is not how to eliminate difficult behaviour entirely. It is how to create conditions in which better behaviour is more likely. And in a contact centre, those conditions are not accidental. They are built by leaders – deliberately or otherwise.

Written by: Danny Wareham, Founder & Director of Firgun

If you are looking for more information to help manage customer calls and look after employees, read these articles next:

• Is Hanging Up on Screaming Customers Backfiring on You?
• How to Protect Your Agents From Customer Abuse
• What Does It Really Take to Correct a Customer Politely?

Author: Danny Wareham
Reviewed by: Jo Robinson